A Real American 4th of July

Greeley, Colorado has one of the nation's largest 4th of July parades (it's broadcast on Denver television) and the nation’s largest 4th of July rodeo (according to them). It’s a far cry from Glacier’s peaceful celebration, which includes five fireworks shot up from the KOA campground. Here, people ooze patriotic pride and love their Greeley Independence Stampede. Their celebration is what a foreigner might assume we all grow up with after they first learn about the American West and cowboys. I’m starting to feel right at home in places like Greeley and North Dakota as I’ve stopped laughing at seeing veal huts in the aisles of Fleet Farm and considered purchasing a cowboy hat to keep the sun off my face this Saturday.

Greeley’s 4^th starts out with a parade to rival all 4^th of July parades. It always begins with a flyover of jets from the nearby Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs. This being an economically challenging year, the flyover consisted of three helicopters instead, which still beats every other 4^th of July parade I’ve ever gone to. The next parade staple is the longhorn herd, driven by one of the local ranchers.

In fact, this parade has more animal than people participants, which means they need lots of these:

The rest of the parade had a lot of other things you might expect: plenty of floats, bands, and horse-drawn carts. However, this one also included Colorado’s governor, Bill Ritter, lots of Spanish (Greeley has a very healthy latino population), an appearance from Smokey the Bear and the Wyoming Forest Service, live country bands on trucks, and a giant, in-your-face republican float (my guess is the size of the float directly correlates to how scared the party is that year).

After the parade, it’s off to the Greeley Stampede fair grounds for food, then the rodeo! They had a few more vendors than the Pipestone Watertower Festival last weekend. I sunk my teeth into my very first Indian Taco, which is a fried, flat, donut-like “shell” covered with ground beef, pinto beans, lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, and usually lots of cheese. Fab-u-lous! I also got this Berry Kabab, which Sara’s sister, Christyn, is modeling below.

The rodeo started at 1:30pm. If you don’t know anything about rodeos, you might assume like I did that the only event they have is bull riding. That’s all you ever see on TV in short soundbites and news clips. In reality, it’s a lot more like a swim meet – crowded stands that can get pretty hot, watching several events with different people competing in their own specialties. This was the rodeo finals and there were cowboys and girls from all over the country - wait, scratch that - all over the Western half of the country competing. I found the rodeo pretty entertaining (if you subscribe to the mentality that PETA means “people enjoying tasty animals” it makes it easier to look past the fact that lots of poor calves are manhandled throughout).

It started out with Bareback Bronc Riding, whose goal is for the cowboy to remain on the horse for eight seconds (if not, he’s disqualified). He may also be disqualified if he leaves the chute improperly or touches himself or the horse with his free hand. Judges give each rider scores based on their spurring technique and I believe half the score for most of these events is actually based on how well the animal tries to buck the cowboy off so it’s kind of luck of the draw on whether you get a good animal or not.

The next event was Steer Wrestling in which a tiny steer gets a measley “headstart” on a cowboy who jumps from a galloping horse onto the steer and proceeds to try to flip it onto its side. As soon as all four of the steer’s legs are pointed in the same sideways direction, the clock stops and the winner is based on how fast he can wrench the steer’s neck and get him to succumb to the idea that it really should be on its side.

Next was Saddle Bronc Riding, which is very similar to Bareback except the riders use saddles.

The Calf Roping competition followed. This one really takes some skills. Not only do you have to first lasso the calf, but then you jump from your horse to quickly tie up at least three of its legs and make that stick for at least six seconds to receive your timed score.

Then there’s Team Roping. Same idea except that two guys team up on the calf – the first one lassoing it around the horns or head and the second roping its two hind legs before they can receive their time.

Now for the best event ever! Mutton Bustin’!! Take your small children, load them on a sheep, and hilarity ensues. One kid hung on until an adult grabbed the sheep and got him off. Most runs don’t last that long.

Child Abuse?

Finally, the last event, the one that everyone knows about: bull riding. Last time Sara had been to a rodeo, she watched a guy get trampled and then heard about how he’d been paralyzed from her mom who is a nurse at the local hospital. Luckily, all riders got off safely, although many did not make the 8-second cutoff. The clowns didn’t do as much as I thought they would, except at the end when they had a bull bulldoze (oh, I just realized where that word comes from!) a clown-filled barrel seemingly just for the crowd’s enjoyment.

Happy 4^th of July in this truly great county! Where you’re free to enter a ring with an angry, horned animal, weaponless and purely for the entertainment of your fellow countrymen! There’s no place like home.

Watertower Festival

This weekend was Pipestone's annual Watertower Festival. It seems that every town in Minnesota has a festival - I'm convinced it's part of the MN constitution that before your city can be incorporated, you have to set aside some time each year for a big party. For instance, Rochester had RochesterFest this past week, which included lumberjack competitions and a SPAM vendor selling my new favorite fair food: deep fried SPAM curds. The festival that takes the cake and that I have yet to experience is Viola, MN's Gopher Count where they'll still pay you $1.25 per pair of gopher feet you turn in during the festival. I'm sorry, but does this remind anyone else of The Simpsons' Wacking Day episode?

Here in Pipestone, MN, no animals are harmed during the Watertower Festival. Named for the town's castle-like watertower, it seems appropriate that this year's festival theme was "Nursery Rhymes & Fairytales".

The Watertower that Makes it all Possible!

It technically started on Friday night with a street dance. I thought that sounded fun until, by the time Nathan got home from work at 10pm, our downstairs retirement-aged neighbor had declared that he was going down there to get "stone drunk" and the band had stopped playing songs like Black Hole Sun and moved on to imitating dying cats. Needless to say, we decided to sit out the street dance.

The next morning, a parade started at 10am. Glen, the park's superintendent, said they had so many entries that the parade was twice as long as normal - one whole hour. Actually, it reminded me a lot of the Brown Deer 4th of July parade - just with more men in drag. You had your normal community organization floats and high school bands, but Pipestone's parade went one step further to include, liteally, men in tights and giant farm equipment. This entry from Titan Machinery was pretty amazing - yes that is a normal, one-story building in the background!

Titan

Typical Themed Float

Not Everything Was For Kids

Nathan had been in charge of the Pipestone National Monument Float. This was the first time they'd ever entered one and true to its preservation theme his float was minimalist, recyclable and pulled with an electric truck, which topped out at around 27 mph during the parade.

Nathan's Green Float

The one thing I think they'll have to add next year is candy. EVERYONE throws candy at this parade - even the dentists.

Would you accept candy from a guy wearing a gas mask?

After the parade you could head over to the City Hall front lawn for some delicious grilled foods, a flea market, and a lucky spot under the big tent to listen to a teenage Kiss cover band. For lunch we got a pretty good seat watching the fire department's version of Tug O' War, using a barrel hoisted in the air.

Despite the festival, my favorite place in town is still the park. Saturday was the first time I got to see it when it wasn't raining. Even this snapping turtle took advantage of the sunny day.

Next year, I'll make sure we hit the festival rodeo too. Whoever said small towns are boring? They've obviously never been to Pipestone or Medora.