A Real American 4th of July

Greeley, Colorado has one of the nation's largest 4th of July parades (it's broadcast on Denver television) and the nation’s largest 4th of July rodeo (according to them). It’s a far cry from Glacier’s peaceful celebration, which includes five fireworks shot up from the KOA campground. Here, people ooze patriotic pride and love their Greeley Independence Stampede. Their celebration is what a foreigner might assume we all grow up with after they first learn about the American West and cowboys. I’m starting to feel right at home in places like Greeley and North Dakota as I’ve stopped laughing at seeing veal huts in the aisles of Fleet Farm and considered purchasing a cowboy hat to keep the sun off my face this Saturday.

Greeley’s 4^th starts out with a parade to rival all 4^th of July parades. It always begins with a flyover of jets from the nearby Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs. This being an economically challenging year, the flyover consisted of three helicopters instead, which still beats every other 4^th of July parade I’ve ever gone to. The next parade staple is the longhorn herd, driven by one of the local ranchers.

In fact, this parade has more animal than people participants, which means they need lots of these:

The rest of the parade had a lot of other things you might expect: plenty of floats, bands, and horse-drawn carts. However, this one also included Colorado’s governor, Bill Ritter, lots of Spanish (Greeley has a very healthy latino population), an appearance from Smokey the Bear and the Wyoming Forest Service, live country bands on trucks, and a giant, in-your-face republican float (my guess is the size of the float directly correlates to how scared the party is that year).

After the parade, it’s off to the Greeley Stampede fair grounds for food, then the rodeo! They had a few more vendors than the Pipestone Watertower Festival last weekend. I sunk my teeth into my very first Indian Taco, which is a fried, flat, donut-like “shell” covered with ground beef, pinto beans, lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, and usually lots of cheese. Fab-u-lous! I also got this Berry Kabab, which Sara’s sister, Christyn, is modeling below.

The rodeo started at 1:30pm. If you don’t know anything about rodeos, you might assume like I did that the only event they have is bull riding. That’s all you ever see on TV in short soundbites and news clips. In reality, it’s a lot more like a swim meet – crowded stands that can get pretty hot, watching several events with different people competing in their own specialties. This was the rodeo finals and there were cowboys and girls from all over the country - wait, scratch that - all over the Western half of the country competing. I found the rodeo pretty entertaining (if you subscribe to the mentality that PETA means “people enjoying tasty animals” it makes it easier to look past the fact that lots of poor calves are manhandled throughout).

It started out with Bareback Bronc Riding, whose goal is for the cowboy to remain on the horse for eight seconds (if not, he’s disqualified). He may also be disqualified if he leaves the chute improperly or touches himself or the horse with his free hand. Judges give each rider scores based on their spurring technique and I believe half the score for most of these events is actually based on how well the animal tries to buck the cowboy off so it’s kind of luck of the draw on whether you get a good animal or not.

The next event was Steer Wrestling in which a tiny steer gets a measley “headstart” on a cowboy who jumps from a galloping horse onto the steer and proceeds to try to flip it onto its side. As soon as all four of the steer’s legs are pointed in the same sideways direction, the clock stops and the winner is based on how fast he can wrench the steer’s neck and get him to succumb to the idea that it really should be on its side.

Next was Saddle Bronc Riding, which is very similar to Bareback except the riders use saddles.

The Calf Roping competition followed. This one really takes some skills. Not only do you have to first lasso the calf, but then you jump from your horse to quickly tie up at least three of its legs and make that stick for at least six seconds to receive your timed score.

Then there’s Team Roping. Same idea except that two guys team up on the calf – the first one lassoing it around the horns or head and the second roping its two hind legs before they can receive their time.

Now for the best event ever! Mutton Bustin’!! Take your small children, load them on a sheep, and hilarity ensues. One kid hung on until an adult grabbed the sheep and got him off. Most runs don’t last that long.

Child Abuse?

Finally, the last event, the one that everyone knows about: bull riding. Last time Sara had been to a rodeo, she watched a guy get trampled and then heard about how he’d been paralyzed from her mom who is a nurse at the local hospital. Luckily, all riders got off safely, although many did not make the 8-second cutoff. The clowns didn’t do as much as I thought they would, except at the end when they had a bull bulldoze (oh, I just realized where that word comes from!) a clown-filled barrel seemingly just for the crowd’s enjoyment.

Happy 4^th of July in this truly great county! Where you’re free to enter a ring with an angry, horned animal, weaponless and purely for the entertainment of your fellow countrymen! There’s no place like home.